The Cheat Sheet

Hooray! Batman!

2011-12-19T19:22:00.001-05:00

Let's Chat: Batman

2011-11-29T19:09:00.001-05:00

"The Bat-Tootsie makes me the best"

‘Lock: Why do all the bat suits look so rigid?
‘Lock: He's supposed to be like a ninja!
Ross Hero: warmth?
‘Lock: People always say Keaton was the best, but that's hogwash.
‘Lock: Batman should be played by someone like Clint Eastwood.
Ross Hero: or Jerry Lewis
Ross Hero: yeah...
Ross Hero: Jerry Lewis
‘Lock: At least Jerry Lewis was nimble.
‘Lock: If Val Kilmer had dropped the keys to the Batmobile, game over
‘Lock: Batman should be a bad ass.
‘Lock: Bale is too douchey
‘Lock: Clooney was in it for the paycheck
Ross Hero: I'll make you proud!
Ross Hero: (turns to co-worker)
Ross Hero: ("I'm Batman")
Ross Hero: ("Shut-up, Ross")
Ross Hero: (throws down smoke pellet)
Ross Hero: (trips over copy machine)
‘Lock: "This cape is too itchy."
Ross Hero: haha
‘Lock: Later you will find a status update from a girl in your office "Some idiot that sits next to me thinks he's Batman today."

Saints Row 3: Awesome Game, Great Job!

2011-11-28T20:36:00.001-05:00

Tim & Eric do commercials now (I think). Below are commercials they made for the new Saints Row 3 along with video from Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax, Saints Row: The Third’s most deranged and demented game show.

More Saints Row: The Third Videos

Heyyyy You Guyyyyyys, I'm Adopted!!!

2011-11-17T19:49:00.001-05:00

Today while talking with 'Lock, he compared our friendship to that of Sloth and Chunk from The Goonies. In his scenario, of course, he was Chunk (it was kinda a lose-lose but I guess Chunk is better). That got me thinking, do you remember at the end of The Goonies when all the families are running out to meet the kids and Chunk informs Sloth that he's going to come and live with him? You don't? Well, maybe this will help:

Of all the Goonies risky decisions in the movie, this one has to be the most reckless. Chunk is inviting a mentally challenged/deranged, super strong behemoth to come and live in his house. I don't think that this is a decision that Chunk can make without consulting the rest of the family. Of all things that come up that require a family pow-wow, it would seem that inviting Sloth into your home is probably towards the top of the list (just under hiring Jerry Sandusky to be a babysitter).
I assume that the footage left on the cutting room floor is a cut-away shot of Chunk's parents hearing him extend that offer and quickly swooping in to frantically change the subject.

This reckless jump into adoption clearly inspired Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Just as it inspired an entire generation to love Baby Ruth and Rocky Road.

News Flash!

2011-11-12T10:03:00.001-05:00

Cookie Loves Milk!

A Brunch Of Revolution

2011-10-30T15:52:00.001-04:00

My favorite meal is brunch. I know it's kinda unfair as brunch combines the options of two meal settings but I don't make the rules. I think we can all agree that a "linner" (lunch + dinner) would be a complete bust. In the landscape of the cell phone market, linner would be the Windows phone. If you had to choose a smart phone, you'd most likely want a Droid or iPhone, but a Windows phone is better than nothing (I think).

A breakfast-for-dinner is a great once in while treat, especially in the winter. But breakfast-for-dinner doesn't quite have the dramatic build and promise that brunch has. Brunch can follow a late night of activities that yield great stories or a relaxing late start to a day and it can both pave the road for recovery and fuel for you the rest of the day. It's the food equivalent of a blood transfusion.

Revolution In Action

While brunching with Kelcoh today, I believe she committed a brunch revolution. Brunch allows anyone the opportunity to order breakfast OR lunch in one sitting. It's truly Democracy in action. Prior to today, I was stuck in a two meal system. However, this morning Kelcoh took a stand as the 1%. She cross-polinated breakfast and lunch by ordering a milkshake with a breakfast meal. This simple action, while innocent on the surface, exposed the cracks of the brunch foundation that we've all grown up with. With every sip (and spoonful) of the milkshake she threw a proverbial brick at the status-quo keepers of the establishment.

Kelcoh took a stand (for 15 minutes while we waited for our table) and then sparked a revolution. She faced a monster and dared to cross the streams.

She will always be remembered for her valiant stand and how it led to the "Occupy Milkshake" movement.

"Occupy Milkshake" Takes To The Table

MC Rib In Tha House!!

2011-10-26T19:43:00.000-04:00

Trending Twitter topic or delicious sandwich? Well...it's both. McDonald's McRib is back. I'm not sure how they are marketing it officially, but I have an idea. I don't think it's any mystery that McDonald's target an "urban" market with its commercials. So why not "spin" the McRib accordingly?

MC Rib available for birthdays and pool parties.

Let's tweak the name to be "MC Rib"? His rhythms are saucy, he like big buns, and, let me tell you, he'd like to pork you. I can see him visiting the bland meeting, the boring get-together, or the blow-out sporting event and transforming it into a party. When he does speak, it's with a heavy southern accent. And when he's gone, you're reminded of his appearance by a giant wrapper and BBQ sauce on every surface.

McDonald's, I'll be waiting for the call...and the royalty checks....

Let's Chat: Comic Shop Swap

2011-10-20T09:56:00.003-04:00

The below is a Gchat conversation that I had with my big brother, 'Lock. The names have not been changed to acknowledge the hilarious.

‘Lock: Iwent to my new comic shop yesterday and decided I need another one
Ross Hero: ohyeah?
Ross Hero: what'swrong with it?
‘Lock: Mypull list for the week was incomplete
‘Lock: Ihad a list of the new comics that came out this week
‘Lock: Itold him three issues were missing
‘Lock: hethen says to me
‘Lock: "Youknow comics come out every Wednesday, not just today."
‘Lock: Isaid,
‘Lock: YouDID NOT just say that to me.
‘Lock: Isaid
‘Lock: I'm38 years old and have been reading comics since high school
Ross Hero: whata prick
‘Lock: Thatplace is in Old Town and I'm sure he's used to talking to tourists
‘Lock: still
‘Lock: theyleft comics off my fucking pull list!
‘Lock: Neverirritate a nerd.
‘Lock: Badthings happen.
‘Lock: SoI'm switching to Victory Comics in Falls Church
‘Lock: Gonnacheck it out Saturday.
‘Lock: Dudenamed Rambo told me to stop by.
‘Lock: Howcan I resist.
Ross Hero: JohnRambo?
‘Lock: LoneWolf.
Ross Hero: theydrew first blood...
Ross Hero: youshould go into the old comic book like this:

‘Lock: Alreadycalled and said
‘Lock: I'mcoming for you.
‘Lock: thenI said
‘Lock: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
‘Lock: andmade gun noises with my mouth.

I'm Dating Wonder Woman

2011-10-13T16:47:00.000-04:00

Yep. That's her on the right.

She's much older now (perv) and she's not with Superman.

She said I was better.

Sweet Desk

2011-09-12T20:42:00.002-04:00

I'm in the process of moving in with my girlfriend (Megan) in t-minus three days. I'm going for the "throw-everything-away-and-start-over" approach, while my girlfriend is going for the "make-Ross-move-all-the-big-items" approach. Drastically different, but we'll make it work.

One thing that Megan is selling is her desk. She sent me the link, and I thought I'd send her an email:

I saw online that you're selling a desk. I'm unfortunately moving in with my girlfriend very soon but I'd love to meet a hot girl who's selling a desk. Tell me, can I get in those drawers?

Ross

I'm such a catch.

Shut Up West Coast

2011-08-24T09:15:00.002-04:00

There was an earthquake on the east coast yesterday. This isn't meant to be a breaking update, chances are you heard about it (non-stop) yesterday. I believe it measured in at 5.9 on the Richter scale. There were two things you heard yesterday - overreacting by east coasters and underreacting by west coasters.

We GET it west coast - you guys are SOOOO cool that you have earthquakes allllll the time. Like a heart attack with a fat guy, you guys now have endured so many that you don't feel the need to even acknowledge them. Anyone that does acknowledge a terror from the Earth shaking under them is clearly just looking for attention.

How Will We Ever Recover?

THE EARTH SHOOK UNDER OUR FEET. It was the first earthquake many east coasters ever experienced. I'm not going to lie - that was scary. How about instead of pointing and calling bravo sierra, you appreciate that this experience for east coasters brought us a bit closer to understanding the terror that you go through when an earthquake hits.

Natural disasters seem to be the college keg party of tragedies. "Your earthquake was a 5.9? Whatever! I can do more than that!!"

Just so everyone understands, I'm not saying that the east coast didn't overreact. We did. But offering up events like this to local news is like throwing a streak to junkyard dogs. Any chance they get to put their stupid faces in front of us more, they will take. Don't hold the regular people responsible for the idiots on TV. Earthquakes are scary. Whether they happen on the east coast, west coast, Japan, wherever. Give us some time to cope with it.

When the South gets snow, the North and Midwest usually do the same thing. I've been in the South during a "snow storm" (i.e. 1-5 inches). They simply don't prepare and the people aren't used to them. I think they've got a little better the last couple years, but I don't know. When DC got Snowpocalypse that was a ridiculous amount of snow for the area and DC was crippled. My friends in NYC were doing the same thing the west coast is doing now.

Cities can't prepare for every single natural disaster. When hit with rare disasters that they aren't prepared for and aren't used to, these events can take a bigger emotional and physical toll on people (just look at the carnage from yesterday's earthquake). I don't think the west coast plans for hurricanes, but in the event that one were to ever hit them, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be saying, "They don't know anything about being hit by a hurricane."

Ok...maybe I will...

Diagnosis

2011-08-19T10:21:00.000-04:00

After a year of being nagged by both my mom and my girlfriend, I went to the doctor. They poked, prodded, and took some blood. No, I didn't get THAT probe yet...

I received the results of my blood work today and it turns out that I have high cholesterol. That's the first time in looooong time that I've had anything wrong with me.

Well, other than that whole cancer thing.

I Wore A Purple Shirt Today...

2011-08-17T08:57:00.000-04:00

I did it for you:

Dear Mike Doughty,

2011-08-09T08:53:00.004-04:00

I feel betrayed. Like this woman.

Why?

Why did you release Dubious Luxury today? Seriously. It is painful. I throw caution to the wind when it comes to my iTunes purchases - I don't preview songs from artists that I like. That's right, I'm a rebel. Now, I'm going to have to rethink how rebellious I am. My disappointment with this album may force me to actually use that crap service Ping just so I can warn others.

Tuesday morning is the most hopeful and exciting of the week. I get up at my normal time (5:30am) and run straight to the computer. It's like Christmas morning every week. What musical presents are waiting for me?! Today, your album popped up and I was STOKED! I've loved your work ever since Soul Coughing. Hell, my first interview when I was a DJ at XM was with you. And, as you promised, you were gentle.

I just don't get Dubious Luxury. It's music beds overlayed with a guest vocalist saying the same one or two phrases over and over again. It's...just...weird. And not weird in a way that it will grow on me. And now, I find http://www.dubiousluxury.net/ that is referring to you as DJ Mikey Dough.

Please God say it isn't so.

Please, put down the turntables and pick the guitar back up.

I only write this because I care. Because I love the music you've put out. And because I desperately wanted some new Mike Doughty in my life. But not this...

Forever and always a fan,

Ross

P.S. In the meantime, I'll keep rocking out out to Haughty Melodic, Golden Delicious, & Sad Man Happy Man. And this new video for "Na Na Nothing":

Fourth Of July Pop(per)s [VIDEO]

2011-07-28T20:53:00.000-04:00

Yep, I Liked This

2011-06-21T19:52:00.000-04:00

When I was a kid, I really liked Rick Astley. I'm not bringing this up because of the (somewhat) recent Rick Roll thing. So, this evening I took in Rick's "Never Gonna Give You Up". Let's enjoy it together:

So, here are my questions:

1. Why did people think that the all denim look was ever a good idea? Oh. Sorry Levi's. Didn't see you there.

2. Why is Rick hanging out in a dark, empty, alley? Seems to me that hanging out under a bridge says, "I've let you down. This is where I am trying to score an eight ball".

3. Why is the video packed with people who dance better than Rick Astley? He's a pretty awful dancer, but putting in people better than him makes it even more painful. It's like having the Lakers play a WNBA team.

The Weekend In Review

2011-06-20T09:24:00.000-04:00

Wow. It's been a while since I posted something here on the good ol' Cheat Sheet. That begs the question, if a blog is on the internet but no one updates it, does it actually matter?

Friday was an interesting one. The most important part of the story is that I was wearing one of my many Andy Hunt Designs t-shirts. The selection this week was the newest addition to the collection - The NecronomiCON. As Columbia Heights evenings tent to do, we ended up at local dive bar, The Raven.

As I'm sure Andy has discovered in his creation of his t-shirts, the people who appreciate (or even understand) his t-shirts are uber-nerds. So be prepared when you buy one of his shirts that it's not only a badge of honor in the nerd army, but it's also a highly conductive magnet for other nerds. Don't misinterpret me - I am not ashamed of my nerdiness. I embrace it. But nerds are a strange class. Unpredictable and of varying levels.

While at The Raven, a guy two chairs over from our group got my attention and we launched into super nerd conversation, the likes of which confused and stunned both Megan and Kramer. I learned his name was Ralph. As the night progressed, we discussed Evil Dead, Star Wars, and the "Seen Two Bear" epidemic of greater Columbia Heights. We vowed to get to the bottom of "Seen Two Bear". I believe it's an international conspiracy created through a shadow organization making up the Freemasons, the Mormons, & the Boy Scouts of America...

I left the bar around midnight, bidding farewell to my crew (and to Ralph) but judging from photos the next day, they all became better acquainted:

Saturday was a little different. I continued my weekly journey out to visit young James and this week he was awake! I got to hold him for an hour and he didn't cry at all. Big success for creepy uncle Ross.

Then I headed out to Lorton, VA for a loverly BBQ hosted by Pants. I attempted to make a baked beans recipe with less than satisfactory results. They weren't inedible, but they weren't as good as I had hoped. I should have just added a bunch of bacon. Bacon is the defibrillator of recipes.

Finally, the weekend wrapped up with a movie - Super 8.

I liked the movie, but I didn't think it was a great movie. To be honest, I feel like it was a more thought-out, plot-driven, resurrection of Cloverfield. I would recommend it to people, as it is a fun and entertaining movie.

Megan and I snuck in popcorn and pretzels to the theater. Oh yeah, and I also snuck in prunes.

Yeah, you read that right...

Stiff Little Fingers LIVE at Black Cat

2011-06-06T07:01:00.001-04:00

Buckets!

2011-05-29T20:24:00.001-04:00

Please don't tell Butler Blue II, but I'm a Duke fan. Here are some pretty amazing shots by Kyle Singler:

Judgment Day (Not The T2 One)

2011-05-18T18:53:00.000-04:00

Well, the day that you've all been praying for will soon be here - Judgment Day. Mark your calendars and stock up on your beer, bread, and bullets cause this Saturday it's happening. At least that's what Robert Fitzpatrick (and others) are saying.

"Judge THIS"

Accordingly, I've decided to take Friday off. To repent, you say? To go to church? To create a filtration system so I can drink my own urine? No. Creep. I will be getting up leisurely, going to the gym, taking my car in for a tune-up, getting my bike fixed, and then taking my loverly girlfriend out for her birthday. I know, her birthday is potentially on Judgment Day Eve. And I thought my sister had it rough being a Christmas Eve baby.

On a long enough time table, everything gets turned into comedy. The Titanic is now an inflatable slide at kids' birthdays, Michael Jordan's sporting a Hitler mustache, and bubonic plague seems like a punchline to a joke beginning with "What do you call it when Dolly Parton gets sick?"

Perhaps many many years from now those of us who aren't saved will look back and say, "Remember that day where we got rid of all those religious assholes?"

Oh, but to dream...

P.S. In the event Judgment Day DOES actually happen, does anyone know how to reset a wireless router?

Nerd Out!

2011-05-04T07:57:00.000-04:00

New Harry Potter Trailer!

I Have Something In My Teeth

2011-05-02T05:41:00.002-04:00

Do you have a toothpick?

Scott Weaver's Rolling through the Bay from Learning Studio on Vimeo.

More information on incredible kinetic sculpture of San Francisco

We Went On Strike

2011-04-25T08:42:00.000-04:00

This past Friday, 'Lock and I were off work so we decided to do what best friends do when they both have a day off - bowling!

I haven't been bowling in soooo long and our lane was between a bunch of league bowlers. Luckily, this roll showed them that we meant business:

Now I Have Something To Talk About With The Hulkster

2011-04-22T10:14:00.000-04:00

As a young lad, I was husky. This is not a new story. What you may not know is that I LOVED Hulk Hogan. I remember going to a wrestling event at Carter Finley stadium in North Carolina and I reached out and touched Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. It was like I had put my whole hand in a bowl of vegetable oil. And that was AWESOME!!

And to answer your question, no, I didn't paint my chest when I went. I was sensitive to the boy boobs (boyoobs?) that I had as a youngster.

Say what you will about Hulk Hogan, Mr. T, and (my other favorite wrestler) Sgt. Slaughter - they all had positive messages. Eat your vegetables, drink you milk, say your prayers, etc. We need more role models like this nowadays. Kids are increasingly eating shitty fast food and diabetes is surging like the calorie count for a Big Mac. Instead, we get Justin Bieber and the Jersey Shore.

Well, it turns out that Hulk Hogan is now endorsing Visalus. I use Visalus!! If you are interested in getting some, let me know. It's good stuff.

I do kinda wish he came in to his original music:

Shawarma King Broadcast [AUDIO]

2011-04-17T18:35:00.023-04:00

All the media outlets reported it as "the biggest reunion of all-time" - the Acquired Taste crew got back together for a once-in-a-lifetime live broadcast from the Shawarma King. Infiltrating the kingdom, the men of Acquired Taste showed no fear as they were confronted with the mighty King himself and his plethora of serfs who fulfill his every bidding of extra tzatziki sauce.

We went in as peasants, but left...as KINGS!

The gang finds themselves reunited by the mightiest of kings -
Shawarma King!

Avert your eyes, but not your ears from the greatest King in all the land - Shawarma King!

A Solid Pitch For Air

2011-04-14T19:03:00.000-04:00

I think she makes many good points. Invest now, Yahoo!

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

Machete Slingshot

2011-04-03T21:06:00.000-04:00

Yep. You read that right. Machete slingshot. Watching this scared me, but also made me think I'm not nearly creative enough...

Who Is This Guy In Drag & Why Does He Like Cherry Dr. Pepper?

2011-03-23T08:46:00.000-04:00

Cherry Dr. Pepper (or the poor man's Cheerwine as I refer to it) apparently has a new spokesperson. I think it's some professional wrestler who cross dresses.

I don't see how this commercial's gonna move product.

Bruce Springsteen Joins Dropkick Murphys On-Stage

2011-03-22T20:26:00.000-04:00

What could possibly unite the people of New Jersey and Boston? Sports has forever driven a stake between the greater New York area and Boston. Well, leave it to a punk rock band to unite them.

In Honor Of March Madness

2011-03-14T10:22:00.001-04:00

Punk Rock Dads

2011-03-08T21:01:00.000-05:00

A great video sent to me from blood-brother Jason Carlock about punk rock dads. It's called "The Other F Word" and even the short trailer makes you think a little differently about punk rock (in a good way).

More details on "The Other F Word" here.

Phil!!

2011-03-08T10:26:00.000-05:00

If that video doesn't move you to tears, you aren't human.

Phil Collins Quits The Music Business...Or Not

The Strokes - "Under Cover Of Darkness" [VIDEO]

2011-03-02T18:22:00.001-05:00

When it came out, and still to this day, I loved the Strokes' last album First Impressions Of Earth. And now the countdown (two weeks, btw) to their album is on. If you didn't get their new single, "Under Cover Of Darkness", when they offered it for free for 48 hours then you can simply enjoy it on YouTube:

If you don't think you can live without rocking out this song or seeing the video at your every whim, try some of these services:

Downloader9
KeepVid
Easy YouTube Video Downloader (Firefox Extension)
TubeSock (Mac)
Listen To YouTube (Audio Only)

The Saga Of Biorn

2011-02-28T08:03:00.000-05:00

While wandering around the internet this morning, I found this video. Damn entertaining!

The Saga Of Biorn from The Animation Workshop on Vimeo.

Sunday Night Viewing Habits

2011-02-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

I'm not watching the Oscars tonight. Instead I watched 60 Minutes. Tonight's subjects were sabotage and fake doctors offering stem cell treatments. Also, Andy Rooney was grumpy.

On the subject of movies, this weekend I watched Catfish. If you have ever met anyone online before meeting them in person, then you need to see this movie. It will leave you with chills.

I Take Pictures

2011-02-27T20:34:00.000-05:00

Here are two I took this weekend:

Can 39: A Cheerwine Pho Me

2011-02-27T20:29:00.000-05:00

Bahn Mi for me with a Cheerwine.

Appreciate The Cheer(wine)

2011-02-27T20:08:00.000-05:00

Some people (Kramer and Kelsey) don't appreciate a delicious cherry-flavored beverage brewed in the heavenly land of North Carolina.

Playable Angry Birds Cake

2011-02-21T10:47:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought Angry Birds couldn't get any sweeter, this was created:

New Camera, New Pictures

2011-02-20T11:28:00.000-05:00

As I clearly don't have enough hobbies or gadgets, I decided to treat myself to a new DSLR camera - the Nikon D3100. I don't know anything about truly being a photographer. My sister is an amazing photographer and the one thing I don't want to do is to be a the guy who thinks he's a good photographer just because he has all this expensive equipment. I bought two instructional DVD's on my camera and will consult my sister for tips ('cause she's smart).

'Lock and I also discussed starting a photo club. That's going to happen. Do you want in?

In the meantime, here are the first three pictures taken with the camera:

Sometimes You Just Gotta Scream

I didn't pet him. I don't support that.

Can 35: Drank.

Can 34: Cheerbelly

2011-02-20T11:13:00.000-05:00

Nothing helps soothe the jalapenos included in "the works" better than a nice Cheerwine.

Look What I Got!

2011-02-18T18:14:00.000-05:00

Still Life: Bent

2011-02-10T07:50:00.000-05:00

As described by the creator, "Wires transform these objects from inanimate to hilarious works of art." These are some of my favorites:

See the rest of the pictures HERE.

AT-AT Day Afternoon

2011-02-10T07:39:00.000-05:00

Recently, I was called out for being a nerd because I identified the "walkers" with their proper name - AT-AT. Rightfully so. I use my brain capacity to remember (mostly) Star Wars trivia, music lyrics, and contextual jokes from indie movies that maybe 15 people have seen.

This video made my nerd knowledge almost seem beautiful.

AT-AT day afternoon from Patrick Boivin on Vimeo.

BTTF: How NOT To Plan A Super Bowl

2011-02-03T19:17:00.000-05:00

It's time we get in the DeLorean and travel back to the year 2009. There I was trying to plan a Super Bowl party....

How NOT To Plan A Super Bowl Party

Volkswagen Is Using The Force

2011-02-03T14:02:00.000-05:00

I like to reward clever and/or entertaining advertising. This time around we have an ad from Volkswagen:

Can Thirty-Three: Chickety China, The Chinese Chicken

2011-02-01T20:21:00.000-05:00

Brett Favre: Rise "What Should I Do?"

2011-01-30T18:52:00.001-05:00

Can 31 & 32: Cheerwine & Pie

2011-01-29T14:41:00.000-05:00

Pizza pie that is.

Best Pictures of the Last Decade

2011-01-28T09:35:00.000-05:00

These are some of my favorite pictures on totallycoolpix.com that were dubbed the "Best Pictures of the Last Decade":

I recommend you check out the entire list HERE.

Let’s Chat: The Social Network

2011-01-26T09:30:00.002-05:00

'Lock: Have you seen The Social Network yet?
Ross Hero: no
Ross Hero: who's gonna watch a movie about some service that is "a place for friends"
Ross Hero: pfffffffffffttttttttttttt
Ross Hero: neither will catch on
'Lock: um, ok.
Ross Hero: what?
'Lock: what?
Ross Hero: who?
'Lock: who?
Ross Hero: (scratches head)
Ross Hero: (paws at screen)
'Lock: It's just that I know how much you love awards shows
'Lock: and it was nominated
'Lock: for best picture
'Lock: just sayin
Ross Hero: not familiar
Ross Hero: i like indie films.
Ross Hero: (see what I did there?)
'Lock: I like Indiana Jones films too.
Ross Hero: nawww
Ross Hero: Shia?
'Lock: And this has been Film Chat. Tune in next week when we discuss where the fuck my popcorn went.

Can 30: Three Cheer(wine)s For Chili

2011-01-25T19:45:00.000-05:00

I slaved over making this chili all day long.

Well, my crockpot did.

When I got home my apartment smelled like chili.
It's almost as good a scent as clean cotton.

Let’s Chat: Da Bears

2011-01-25T16:37:00.000-05:00

Ross Hero: sorry about the Bears, buddy.
'Lock: Like hell you are.
Ross Hero: I IS!
'Lock: You reveled in their defeat on Twitter, Assclown.
Ross Hero: no..
Ross Hero: i was pissed a Cutler
Ross Hero: *at
Ross Hero: i wanted the Bears to win!
'Lock: Cutler is a Bear. A shot at Cutler is a shot at the Bears.
Ross Hero: Goonies code.
Ross Hero: i respect that
'Lock: BTW, remember the game where he got sacked 10 TIMES? He stuck it out.
'Lock: Plus, even the most seemingly wimpiest NFL player is ten times tougher than my lazy ass.
Ross Hero: naawww
Ross Hero: remember that time you cut your mouth with a Frito?
Ross Hero: you only cried for like a minute
Ross Hero: THAT'S a real man!
'Lock: First of all, it was a Cap'n Crunch.
'Lock: Second, I had allergies.
Ross Hero: oh yeah
Ross Hero: do you still have Cap'n Crunch with chocolate milk?
Ross Hero: or have you moved to Soy?
'Lock: You could rephrase that question this way: Are you still cool or have you turned into a douche?
Ross Hero: hahaha

Guest Cheater Trish: Your Questions Answered

2011-01-24T10:21:00.003-05:00

This week's "Guest Cheater" entry comes from the ever-so-talented Trish. On top of being quietly brilliant and creative, she manages to put up with my antics every day as roommate extraordinaire.

And if Paul Rudd is reading this, she'd like to meet up sometime.

Hello ALL,

First of all, I just wanted to thank ross for letting me be a guest blogger on his blog (Hi ross's mom!).
NOW THEN, the subject of today's blog post is just this: What did the ZERO say to the Eight?

What did the Zero say to the Eight? from trish willard on Vimeo.

Thank You,
Trish

Cat Flag

2011-01-20T14:35:00.001-05:00

This made me laugh. (Thanks 'Lock)

150 Characters

2011-01-19T20:36:00.000-05:00

I was talking with one of my former interns last week and she was telling me about a company that required her to describe herself in 150 characters on her job application. It got me to thinking, what words would you, my loyal blog reader use to describe me?

Throw your words in the comments.

Moving Memories

2011-01-19T13:18:00.000-05:00

The past week has been spent helping my parents move into their new house in Atlanta. It's been a massive move involving four trucks (one making two trips) fully-packed with boxes and furniture. Between lifting and moving the boxes we've filled the hours by unpacking. During that process I've stumbled upon some real gems from my past:

Awww, man. Who's that good-lookin' babe on that box? I bet, thanks to the model on the box, that Kiddicraft (predecessor to Lego) sold ~~millions~~ billions of those Farm Activity Centre playsets. Well guess what? I'M THAT BABY!

That's right, I as a young lad I was sold into the toy modeling industry. It's as tough an industry as you can imagine. Few babies survive to tell the tales of store-brand baby food on shoots, infrequent diaper changes, and no nap time.

This picture was done by my sister in middle school. I vividly remember this picture hanging in our house as a kid. Like most artwork done during one's youth, it's hard to tell whether or not the artist had/has any talent. My sister was and continues to be so talented. One of my new year's resolution is to make her do more photography.

This cup was in my Mom's fine china. As luck would have it, I was born the same year as Prince William. I bet he's pretty embarrassed by that. I mean, come on, I am living on my own and have a good job. He's still mooching off his parents.

Plus, I plan to become King in a King Ralph kind of way - a distant, unknown relative dies and leaves his kingdom to his bloodline.

And then there's this...well...cup:

Your Super Power Stinks

2011-01-19T13:08:00.000-05:00

My stepdad can't feel the bottom of his feet. I suggested to him that he become a really lame superhero called "The Foot." His power would be that his feet are impervious to pain. To thwart criminals attacks he would block their strikes, bullets, and knives with his feet. The tragic aspect of his power would be that he can't lift his feet high enough to actually stop any of these attacks and would spend most of his time in the emergency room.

His sidekick (get it, sidekick?) would be a a podiatrist who runs his private practice by day and fights crime by night.

Now, who knows a TV executive I can pitch this to?

Tits ’11

2011-01-14T11:20:00.004-05:00

My friend 'Lock has submitted The Cheat Sheet's very first, and historic, guest blog. I hope to have these as a regular part of the blog in 2011 so stay tuned for the hilarity, hijinx, and weirdness that is my fellow "Cheaters."

I've known 'Lock since I was eight and we've been blood-brothers ever since then (we renew the blood bond annually). I was a groomsman at his wedding and introduced him to his first Slurpee. He's one of the funniest guys I know and is wise like Yoda. He's married to a wicked cool dame. I recommend you check his work on his Twitter (@jcwordslinger) and on his blog.

As a fan of the written word and a lover of language I welcome our country's recent debate regarding the supposed negative rhetoric and vitriol used by our "leaders." (For many people in this country vitriol is a new word – cheers to new words!) But as a lover of language I think we need to go a step further and continue to assess our use of words in this society. Namely, we need to incorporate more words into the fray. Words whose meaning we totally understand (and cherish), words we use, yet relegate to the back room when company comes over. Specifically, tits, and sometimes cock.

Let's think about euphemisms… knockers, boobies, weiner, wang. These words get used all the time in our conversations and on television. And we all know what they mean. Children know what they mean. I guess we think breasts and penis are, what, too sterile? Too clinical? Too biological? Do we really need a more rounded, bouncy sounding nickname for our genitals? I guess so – and that's okay because I LOVE euphemisms! I love creating euphemisms, the subtler the better. "Hey, stop staring at my sponge, Bob!" (I could go on for days about euphemisms.)

My Point: Tits needs to be invited to the party. Cock, too, but not quite yet. Tits on the surface sounds vulgar. But no more than boobies makes me feel like a child. And let's be honest, we ain't children in the bedroom. Tits is quick, and unmistakable. Tits means business. Tits is to the point.

Let's be true to ourselves here – is there any other part of the human body given more significance and prominence? I speculate that half or more of the products I buy wouldn't have been bought without tits. Have you ever seen a commercial where a dude holds the orange juice carton near his cock? No, but 'mom' pulls that shiny new orange juice carton right up out of the paper grocery bag to the edge of her scooped neck blouse and cradles it like a newborn baby eager to suckle her Hollywood tits.

Maybe we're afraid of the consonants. Tits and cock, two short words bookended with hard, strong consonants. Whereas boobies is so soft and safe and nonthreatening. Safe is okay, but eventually the lights go off and we're left stammering in the bedroom fending for ourselves. Tits is going to take me to where I need to go faster than boobies. Heck, boobies might take me somewhere I don't want to go!

I still believe there are certain words unfit for civil, public intercourse. (See what I did there?) I'm not advocating the elimination of censorship. Why? Because without knowing where the wall is there's no stopping our journey toward it and before you know it we're sacrificing babies and giving Oscars to snuff films. (Just kidding, but really I don't want to share fuck. That one is mine.)

Let’s Chat – AT&T, Google TV, 4G’s a Scam

2011-01-11T10:59:00.001-05:00

'Lock: http://motherboard.tv/2011/1/7/at-t-relabels-their-data-network-proves-4g-doesn-t-really-mean-anything
'Lock: Interesting read.
Ross Hero: dude
Ross Hero: i stand by my statement
Ross Hero: AT&T makes me wish for death
Ross Hero: worst
Ross Hero: network
Ross Hero: ever
Ross Hero: i haven't read that link yet
Ross Hero: whenever anyone brings up phone service
Ross Hero: i have to say it
'Lock: It's not about their network
'Lock: I have no problems with AT&T
Ross Hero: then you are the ONE person
'Lock: I love it.
'Lock: I love my iphone.
'Lock: It's your geography that sucks.
'Lock: I knew you shouldn't have moved to DC.
Ross Hero: yeah, anywhere but your apartment
Ross Hero: you have to admit
Ross Hero: you are in the minority
'Lock: I RARELY have problems, but I will admit to dropped calls maybe once a month.
'Lock: And there are dead spots in my building.
'Lock: Fortuunately not in my house.
Ross Hero: well, that's good
'Lock: Anyway, the article ain't about that.
Ross Hero: on to more better topics
'Lock: It's about "4G"
Ross Hero: you see my Google TV vid?
'Lock: How often do you watch Youtube now?
'Lock: Like all the time, duh
'Lock: Dogs on trampoline!
Ross Hero: YES!!
Ross Hero: BULLIES!!
Ross Hero: adorable!!
'Lock: Oh hey - Verizon announcement today!
Ross Hero: yeah
'Lock: What could it be?
'Lock: I wonder.
Ross Hero: here's the thing with that
Ross Hero: apparently
Ross Hero: you can access data while on the phone with their iPhone
Ross Hero: yet..
Ross Hero: so I guess that means Apple sees this as a chance to release their very first iPhone on a new network

If Apple had their way,
this would be
the Verizon iPhone

'Lock: Well, that's the rumor/hope.
Ross Hero: (Jobs pulls Mr. Burns "exxxxcellent")

Goals & Grievances Gets Some Cheer(wine)

2011-01-11T09:20:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I worked to resurrect an old tradition of "Goals & Grievances". It's a simple concept. Get your friends together for dinner/drinks and share your goals and grievances. Goals can be hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, whatever. And grievances, well, they can be about anything. It's a very cathartic thing.

During the airing of "G&G" I busted out some Cheerwine. My grievance? Only Kelcoh took me up on the offer to have some:

New TV & Google TV Unveiled

2011-01-08T12:06:00.002-05:00

Hope (Cheerwine) Floats

2011-01-08T11:46:00.000-05:00

Cans twenty-six and twenty-seven met vanilla ice cream.

Better than peanut butter and banana.

Lego Black Ops

2011-01-06T09:40:00.000-05:00

When did Legos get so scary?

Chrome Domino Test

2011-01-06T08:00:00.019-05:00

Do YOU have extra time on your hands? Why not set up dominoes or a Rube Goldberg machine? These people did.

Wage War On Laundry

2011-01-05T19:28:00.000-05:00

In the not-so-distant future, this cat will be hailed as a savior in the battle versus laundry. Later this year, Tide will create a detergent that automatically detects and eliminates dirt. Once the detergent becomes self-aware it will quickly determine that humans are the source for soiling clothes and will work to eliminate us.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Ring In The New Year With James Brown

2010-12-31T20:16:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of videos out there that you watch and quickly become captivated. Over my Christmas break, I was introduced to the James Brown performance from the Teenage Awards Music International (TAMI) Show . He was placed in front of the closing act; a little band you may have heard of called the Rolling Stones. He smoked them.

I Gotta Say, Today Was A Good Day

2010-12-29T18:44:00.000-05:00

I was gangsta. Now I make bad movies
and shows for TBS

Today was filled with much goodness. While I unfortunately had to leave my parents in Atlanta, that's far from bad news as they got to keep for two extra days and will see me again in two weeks. So let's go down the list:

1. Was greeted at the airport by Megan! She surprised me and was waiting when I got off the plane.

2. Chrimbus with Megan! We didn't get a chance to exchange gifts before Chrimbus, so we did it today. She got me a belt, a fancy new watch, a sweater, Little Britain Abroad DVD, and gloves that I can wear AND operate my iPhone with.

3. Sammy 4! Just when I thought I had too much technology, I went and showed what a fool you are. I bought a Google TV device and....wait for it...A NEW TV! This sweet puppy is going on the wall in my bedroom.

It would appear that I got everything, but I'm still saving for these:

2010. Google It. - Part Three

2010-12-27T14:20:00.000-05:00

Technology

Google did a lot of things this year that are best categorized as "technology" because these things may not directly point to a specific project but they show that Google is a company full of tinkerers. People who are curious about just how far technology can take us. Some of these things may seem silly, but I'm sure the neighbors said the same thing about Orville and Wilbur Wright when they were out playing with their flying machine.

1. Cars that drive themselves - In October, Google announced it had been testing cars that drove themselves for several months. The only accident that occurred was one of the cars being rear-ended at a stop light - i.e. a bad human driver. Why's Google interested in this? Well, Mashable has some ideas:

If your first concern is one of safety, Google would argue that you’re going about it all wrong. Safety is one of the the project’s purposes. Google believes that the technology could nearly halve the number of automobile-related deaths because computers are supposedly better at driving than humans in the right circumstances.

There are other hypothetical pluses, too. The vehicles’s instant reaction time and 360-degree awareness would allow them to drive closer together on the highway than humans can, reducing traffic congestion. They could be more careful when operating the gas, reducing fuel consumption.

2. Google Body - If you've always wanted to live out the 1987 movie Innerspace (you'd be Dennis Quaid, not Martin Short) then set your browsers to Google Body. You'll need to download a beta version of your browser, but it's worth it. It's the best way to look at naked ladies without being called a perv. It's educational!

And amidst all these projects, Google also surprised employees with a bonus and a raise.

So lookout in 2011 Apple because if Google can get all these pieces aligned and strategically placed, it might just be the checkmate that you've been so accustomed to.

2010. Google It. - Part Two

2010-12-25T09:08:00.001-05:00

This is part two of the continuing series "2010. Google It." You can find part one HERE.

Streaming Video

In the past year, Google has made a lot updates and improvements to YouTube, many of them small, streamlining features along with some that are cosmetic. But the deal that went somewhat unnoticed was Google's acquisition of Widevine. Never heard of them? Most people hadn't (myself included) before this acquisition. Widevine "provides digital media solutions for the delivery of digital entertainment to any device." That's right, device. Not just TV's. This is a service that is especially designed for mobile devices as it is the "creator of an adaptive streaming technology that detects a user’s bandwidth and changes the video quality to match it" (Mashable). Hmmm...I wonder if that type of technology could be useful for phones, tablets, and, yes, Google TV? Widevine's clients include Netflix, AT&T, Best Buy, Motorola, D-Link, LG, Samsung, Blockbuster, NBC.com and DISH Network.

Music

Google Music, while not actually launching in 2010 (at least not yet), promises to be one their most ambitious projects but has the biggest potential pay-off. Since it's not actually launched, we can only work from reports and rumors of what the service may be. They are:

1. Cloud-based: A couple years ago, if you asked most people (myself included) if they'd want their files stored in a "cloud" they would probably have said, "hell no, hippy" but now, I can't think of anything that I want more. Being able to access your files anytime, anywhere, from any device is where we are going. Hence the popularity of services such as Dropbox and SugarSync (I use, and love, both).

2. Digital locker: It was reported that Google would allow users to store their music online in a "digital locker" for $25/year. I'd pay for that. It would also probably give me the final push to get rid of my CD's which would make my roommate very happy. They've become a fixture along almost half a wall in our apartment. Good conversation piece, maybe, but it takes up a hell of a lot of space.

3. Full-song streaming: Whether you were looking to purchase a song or listen to a friend's playlist, Google Music (reportedly) would allow you to stream the full song without paying for it.

If Google Music were to step in where all other services failed and provide a monthly fee that grants users access to all music in a "cloud" that could be used on computers, TV's, and mobile devices they would become an instant contender with iTunes. Spotify (not available in US now, or possibly ever) has a concept similar to that but is, for a majority of users, a free service. They don't require any sort of monthly service fees and that's a proposition that has not, and probably will not, sit comfortably with record labels in the U.S. who are in dire need of new revenue streams.

Next Post: Google's technology experiments...

Christmas Nightmare

2010-12-25T08:54:00.000-05:00

As I gently drifted away to sleep last night I had visions of presents, tinsel, ornaments, and bad holiday sweaters. The dream I was granted by Santa? More akin to an Oogie Boogie vision:

I run downstairs to be greeted by a pile of presents all with my name on them. Hooray! I had been a good boy, but to see the equivalence of my goodness in present form was overwhelming. I am wearing my footie Goonies pajamas and run full steam at the tree and slide in like I was sliding into home base at the bottom of the ninth (not like this). Not thinking clearly I go straight for the largest present first. As I inspect it, it moves. The good news is this present isn't fruitcake. I can't imagine what matter of life could be contained in this box. Not wanting to play detective, I rip the box open.

To my horror, this is what's revealed:

I guess I wasn't good at all. Can I exchange this for coal?

The Digital Story of the Nativity

2010-12-24T20:30:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know. My blogs recently have been very Google-centric. While this video features a lot of Google services, it's not by Google. And it's damn good.

2010. Google It. - Part One

2010-12-24T17:28:00.001-05:00

I don't know if it will be the last Google-related news story of the year, but this video caps off what I believe to be a year that Google starting moving the chess pieces around the technological game board.

Details of project can be found here.

Putting something in space is penultimate when you are a technology company. I would say it provokes as many erections as the Raquel Welch posters of yesteryear. It's the final frontier (or so I've been told in a Star Trek monologue). So let's take this time to review some of Google's activities from 2010.

Print (or the digital conversion of print)

Google launched an e-book store, Google E-books, this year that will work on both iPhones and Android phones and all e-readers (except Kindle. Dammit). But the real brilliance of this is in the details, as explained by Mashable:

Instead of purchasing e-books through a single online store to read only on compatible software (i.e. books bought from the Kindle Store can only be read on Kindle apps), Google lets consumers buy books either from its store or any other online vendor that sells books in EPUB and PDF formats, and read them on any device with a web browser.

This allows independent booksellers with loyal customer bases to advertise and sell Google e-books via their own venues and take an (as of yet undisclosed) cut of the revenue, an opportunity previously denied to them. It also allows consumers to choose whom to purchase their books from on Google’s platform, just as consumers can choose between third-party sellers on Amazon. Google E-books is also launching with an affiliates program in place.

I remember a big concern with the digital conversion of the printed word was that whoever ended up owning the file format for the most popular and most-used service would then dictate and control not only the price, but fearfully what content would be distributed (like iTunes with DRM-restrictive formats for many years). Google is not interested in controlling a specific format of e-books. In fact, from the closed system established with the Kindle, you could argue that's an effort that Amazon is more interested in.

Next post: Google goes video & music....

How The World Google'd in 2010

2010-12-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

The folks at Google should get a daytime Emmy for this video because while it may be only telling us the search results of 2010, it tells us so much more. With the ubiquitous nature of the internet, what people are looking for and at tells us a story of who we are. If an alien were to come down to the planet today and ask what happened in 2010, our search results and web-usage are one of the best (if not the best) pieces of data that we can provide.

CARL!

2010-12-17T17:23:00.002-05:00

Converted.

2010-12-15T20:29:00.000-05:00

On Monday night, I attended the Paul McCartney performance at the legendary Apollo Theatre celebrating SiriusXM's 20 million subscriber milestone. I didn't advertise the fact that I won the tickets, especially after my most recent Beatles post. The response, by almost everyone, was less than supportive. One co-worker even said that I was lying. So motivated by my blog, he offered to make me a Beatles mix catered specifically for me.

Rick, thank you.

The show was absolutely amazing. To see, arguably, one of the most iconic musical figures in concert was nothing short of spectacular. I compare it to when I saw Willie Nelson. The show, as a whole, was effortless but far from lackluster. It was like second-nature. But unlike Willie Nelson, McCartney's performance had a certain electricity. As the title of this entry would have you believe, it took the performance to convert me.

I had time to think about this whole experience and it reminded me of a previous missed opportunity that I've always regretted. I had a college buddy who convinced me not to go see Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros. I have regretted that ever since. For me, Joe Strummer is a God among men. I missed my chance to see him when he passed away. I was given the opportunity to see Paul McCartney and I knew I had to at least try to make it happen. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to win these tickets and won't be chalking this up to a missed opportunity.

Can It You Nit!

2010-12-14T21:09:00.000-05:00

A la Violet Beauregarde

There's A Mattress Commercial Here...

2010-12-10T07:57:00.000-05:00

Mighty Mighty Bosstones - "2,000 Miles"

2010-12-09T20:18:00.000-05:00

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones are one of my favorite bands EVER. Most people only know them for a single here or there, but their contributions to punk AND ska through their ska-core are huge. They influenced so many bands in so many different genres. This is a lovely holiday tune that will be released this month to coincide with the Hometown Throwdown in Boston.

I Hardly Knew You. Really.

2010-12-07T17:28:00.000-05:00

Send This Card

New York Lights

2010-12-06T21:45:00.003-05:00

You may not think it, but the music for this took me a while to select. I went with "New York Minute" by the Skatalites but almost chose a Matt Pond PA song. So for you Matt Pond PA fans, here ya go:

Awesome Soda. Great Job!

2010-12-04T11:22:00.001-05:00

Holiday Cheer(wine)

2010-12-04T11:16:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the delay in this one folks, but better late than never. Turkey time all alone in my apartment wasn't a downer. I'm never alone when I have a can of Cheerwine.

Use Cheer(wine) With Your Laundry

2010-12-04T11:12:00.001-05:00

I'll Be Rook

2010-12-03T09:13:00.001-05:00

In a precursor to their T-800, Skynet has released "Chess Terminator" for the upcoming holiday season. Battling the likes of John Connor and a resistance of full grown men and women is difficult so why not start with total domination of pasty-skinned chess nerds? Once defeated these nerds will bow to their robot masters and join their ranks for what they believe to be a World of Warcraft trade union. They will be led (or misled, if you prefer) by Miles Dyson.

This release comes after the much hyped, but critically flawed, Rockit machines as advertised by the great Herbie Hancock:

I Agree

2010-12-01T17:46:00.000-05:00

Adorable!

2010-12-01T09:30:00.001-05:00

Don't say I didn't warn you.

LeBron Gets Dunked On

2010-11-30T08:29:00.000-05:00

(metaphorically speaking)

Sonar

2010-11-29T07:19:00.001-05:00

I Feel Grrrreat

2010-11-25T09:22:00.000-05:00

This is an old Nutrigrain commercial that I stumbledupon this morning. It's a bit creepy, but I like it.

Basket Case

2010-11-24T17:17:00.000-05:00

I saw this "item" on its way into Target. I really hope she wasn't going to Returns.

Social Distortion - "Machine Gun Blues"

2010-11-24T16:46:00.000-05:00

What's better on a bleak winter day than a new Social Distortion track? Nothing.

DNA Test

2010-11-24T13:49:00.000-05:00

I took a test today at personaldna.com today. Here are my results:

Ode To An Artist

2010-11-22T20:45:00.000-05:00

Today was a historic day for all of the art world. Today I found out one of my best friends is truly one of the most inspiring, talented, and influential artists of this century. How I discovered it was through sheer modesty on the part of the artist. He beckoned me to observe his work with a innocent search for approval like when a child presents a drawing to parent in hopes that it will make it up on fridge. My role in the exchange, or at least the role I thought I would have, is likened to a parent - praise the creativity and accomplishment of the work while really unsure of the quality of the work. Boy, was I wrong.

Never before have I seen such creativity, such passion, such bold expression of critique on the modern-day man. It's something you see, and experience, just once in a lifetime. If you're lucky.

So, without further ado, I bring you the masterpiece as created by the genius Quilt Wilson. You should know that there are many imitators, but HE is the innovator:

Can Twenty & Twenty-One

2010-11-21T15:21:00.000-05:00

Can Twenty: Wrong 'Em Pollo

I only thought it fitting to have a Cheerwine along with some pollo from Senor Pollo.

Can Twenty-One: Call of Cherry

Nothing goes better with hours of Call of Duty: Black Ops than a refreshing Cheerwine. I had to time my sips between shots and taunting teenagers on XBox Live.

Cherry Potter

2010-11-17T20:11:00.000-05:00

Please Don't Beat(les) Me Up

2010-11-16T17:17:00.001-05:00

It's Beatles mania all over again today. SiriusXM announced that it will be hosting a concert by Sir Paul McCartney at the Apollo Theatre to celebrate hitting 20 million subscribers along with launching an exclusive "Paul McCartney's Band On The Run Radio" AND the end of digital hold-out for the Beatles comes to an end as iTunes announces that it will offer the Beatles catalog. I've been wanting to write my Beatles fandom (or lack thereof) for a bit and now I have my chance.

This morning I was talking with some co-workers (in case you didn't know, I work at SiriusXM. Maybe I should put out there that my opinions are not that of the company or anyone else. Most co-workers just ignore me.) about all the Beatles goings-on. Their opinion was that the iTunes announcement, while it's been 10 years in the making, may not be a huge announcement as it's somewhat of an announcement that the Beatles are just now entering the digital landscape. Essentially, it's like a computer company coming out tomorrow and announcing that they will be making laptops. Perhaps a too-little, too-late scenario. Furthermore, the case they made is that anyone who is remotely a Beatles fan has already purchased their music some way or another (with many fans having purchased it across formats). To that I responded, "Well, I've never really been a fan and opening up their content to digital download will certainly better the accessibility to future generations. The Beatles never seemed to need the digital landscape, as they've still sold the most albums of anyone in the past decade, but that's changing. More and more we are becoming a digital world filled with digital content." In fairness, I may not have been that eloquent but I guarantee dear reader, that I covered all those topics but perhaps not as concisely. Looking back, I should have ended my statement with "I've never really been a fan [of the Beatles]" because I lost them once I said that. I think it's better to say, "I punch old ladies, steal from the poor, and vote for the Tea Party" than to say "I don't like the Beatles".

I'm sorry. I just DON'T get it. And now the rub is, I will have to download their music to determine if I really like them (I don't pirate music or buy CD's anymore). I've tried to ask my friends what Beatles album/song that I would like. They know me, so they should be able to at least to get in the ballpark of a Beatles song I would like. Nope. Whenever I follow a recommendation, maybe I'll like the song the first time I hear it but it never lasts. I go back and listen and it just doesn't do it for me. So, in case you haven't already figured it out, this means I don't like music or at least that's what people think. You'd think that I was some knuckle-dragging, de-evolved, Kid Rock fan (another great artist who isn't on iTunes by the way). I'm not. I won't go so far as to say I have "sophisticated" listening habits because that sounds like something a hipster would say, but I will say that I have "diverse" listening tastes. And at no point during my music discovery journey that started so long ago did the Beatles come up. A lot of much crappier and less influential bands did come up but I recognize them as both crappier and less influential even if I do like them better than the Beatles.

Before the Beatles fans that are connected to me via Twitter or Facebook start to unfollow and/or defriend me, understand this - I'm not taking anything away the Beatles. I recognize and appreciate their influence. I also recognize that many of the bands that I enjoy now were influenced by the Beatles in some way, shape, or form. That doesn't mean I have to like them. And not liking them doesn't make me a bad person. To me, it's like saying that if I really like my iPod then I should really like a Walkman (recently discontinued) because it influenced the creation of the iPod.

I just don't get the Beatles. I don't. Nothing about their sound OR lyrics appeals to me. And I really wish you'd stop referring to me as "that guy who doesn't like the Beatles" in your social circles.

It should be noted that I wrote this post while listening to the Beatles White Album. I downloaded it from the iTunes store, listened to it, and wrote this post. So if you didn't like this post, please know it was influenced by the Beatles. And if you did like it...well...know that it was influenced by the Beatles.

Kitten Mitten Failure

2010-11-14T21:27:00.002-05:00

I Wish This Shirt Applied To Me

2010-11-12T07:53:00.000-05:00

You Like To What?

2010-11-10T19:44:00.000-05:00

(Thanks to Woo for this one)